I’m wondering why I am here in this planet.
Since born as a man with disability in my brain, I had experienced many hardships including making friendships with others, bankruptcy of my family when in 15 yrs. ord, and discriminated as a morbid person from public etc.
As for today, I had a blunder on my duty and scolded by my supervisor with fury and about to be fired.
I have no idea why I have to go on living for uncertain and maybe hopeless future.
Sometimes I consider commuting suicide by jumping into the trains, overdosing, or just simply taking off from stool with my neck tied by the rope. That means, I am so tired being as a human with depression and thereby despair , and therefore, I do not want to live anymore.
Only if I can express such the above feeling and thought to my friend or even my family.
However, doing that is not allowed as it is regarded as stupid action by them.
There is no place, no freedom, no right to say in Japanese.
Hence, I have no choice but to write here in English so that describing my voice in myself . (as a matter of fact, I am not good at the language at all)
Hope my fu*kin life end with the soonest as possible.
It may helps to clear my scholarship and my parents can grab some money from insurance company I contract.
Thanks for reading my sentence with ridiculous.
アーティチョーク
So, first of all, I want to ask you.
You’re Japanese, but don’t want to express your feelings in your native language because you are afraid that someone close to you might read it?
I also often think about committing a suicide, just like you.
You might want to read a book called “13reasons why”. It really expresses my feelings well.
I also have some disabilities in my brain, too. It’s called ADHD and depression. I’m also suspecting HSP, ASP, and LD.
I know that it is a tough time but hang on for a bit! Things will change some day; even if that day is a day away or 30 years away.
Good luck with your life!
P.S do you mind talking with you in English here?
