Hey, how have you been?
It’s been so long since we communicated last time. I have no idea what you’re doing in where.
I miss you so much, but I will never contact you again.
When I saw the spark in your eyes were gone, I knew it was the last time that I see you.
I wish I could have removed myself from your life earlier. But I couldn’t. It was like addiction.
I should thank you for separating yourself from me. You probably saved me from lots of embarrassment, self-hatred, and unnecessary drama.
Thank you for leaving me in such a gradual and gentle way.
I wonder if you would have continued to pursue me if I was closer to your age. I would think so, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have been me whom you were attracted to, initially.
This is so f***ed up. Only a few people know this insanity that I was going through. None of them supported this, even myself.
The feelings that I had for you was real. No matter how inappropriate, I couldn’t help. Now I know the taste of forbidden love or attraction. I know how strong the pull is. I cannot judge people on this in the future.
Can you not pretend that you were not pulled by that force as well at one point? Without that, I wouldn’t have fallen for you. Or is it possible you were confused by the attraction? It was my case.
It was such strong energy. It moved me, changed me, lightened me up, and it revived me.
I wish I could only hold onto the positive aspects of it, but I am still dying to see you. I long for your gaze, smile and physical proximity.
If you ever call me, I would want to be there for you in a second. How empty does this sound? I can’t help judging myself as a pathetic woman.
Isn’t love supposed to be beautiful though? I want to see it as beautiful.
I have freedom to keep the memories and feelings, no matter how painful that is.
I have freedom to pray for your wellness and happiness. I have freedom to see you again someday in my best condition.
I will continue polishing myself for the time our paths come across in the future.
